Connection in a Large Church

After my recent post on “Intimacy in a Large Church,” I received an anonymous note that made me think a bit. Here’s an excerpt…

I think that one of the things that draws people to Riverview is the feeling of familiarity and belonging. All of you speak to us so intimately about your lives and struggles it forges a deep personal connection. It makes people feel like they are not alone; someone else is going through the same thing. All of you have a charisma about you that enables you to deliver the message of Jesus directly to a person’s heart in a way that is crystal clear. The teachings often feel as though they were tailored to me as an individual. The ability to speak to a large crowd and make each person feel as though you are speaking to them directly is a gift from God. When someone walks into Riverview because their life is drifting, that gift will pull them back down to earth, get their attention, and show them the rock solid truth of their salvation, worth, and safety in Jesus. That is how Christians are made…

Members don’t just want to know you, they want you to know them; their names, their lives, their struggles, and their triumphs. We want to have the feeling that you care on an intimate level. I think that as Pastors you all do an awesome job of this. That is one of the things about Riverview that makes it so special, and one of the reasons it has grown so rapidly over the last 8 years or so. Back to my request; please, please, please do not lose that intimate touch when the church grows. Please continue to know us, e mail us, ask us how our kids are doing, etc…

Sometimes when your business is saving souls there is nothing wrong with being a little consumeristic, as long as it still fits within the teachings of Jesus. That is how Riverview grew this big in the first place, it offered something that people wanted; along with something that people needed – salvation.

This made me think about the idea of “intimacy” and it dawns on me that “intimacy” is not what people are looking for. Rather, they are looking for “connection.” There are only a handful of people in my life I am intimate with: my family, a few close friends, etc. In a church of our size, it’s just not possible to be intimate with everyone. In fact, if I had dinner every night with a different family from our church, it would take almost three years.

Not to mention that I suck at even simply remembering names…

So how do we foster connection in a large church?

There are a lot of ways that I can think of: community groups, mid-sized groups, serving, etc. But one thing struck me in this note: people want a connection with the pastor who is teaching.

At Riverview, roughly 2000 people a week attend services and I frequently get the same response as this note:

All of you speak to us so intimately about your lives and struggles it forges a deep personal connection. It makes people feel like they are not alone; someone else is going through the same thing.

I was thinking about this when I was driving my kids to school this morning when the song “Brass in Pocket” by The Pretenders came on. One line struck me:

I'm special, so special.

I got to have some of your attention, give it to me!

That’s it! Each person at Riverview is special and yet I am not able to give each of them the attention they desire. I have a unique relationship with each and every person at our church, whether I realize it or not. When I teach, I connect with people at a certain level. Not through my words (I’m sure), but through the work of the Holy Spirit, people feel connected with me and yet I haven’t met most of them. I would dare say that I will never meet most of the people in our church face to face.

So, here is my question for all of you who read this blog…what can I do to help foster that connection as we grow larger? I have a few thoughts, but I will save those until later this week. I want to hear your suggestions first.

Tags: connection, intimacy